25 Jul


Today’s 100 degree heat kept me inside much of the day. I have had a hard time today really. Cleaning out files, drawers, boxes, I found some of those favorite things that have been kept for sentimental reasons. Photos are the most valuable to me and I’ve surrounded my self with lots of old pictures in albums and in frames. Some are loose lying here waiting to be scanned. I’ve scanned almost all of them for preservation purposes. I keep all my photographs stored on

As I write this, I listen to Simon & Garfunkel’s El Condor Pasa; Seals & Croft; Looking Glass. Those bands I heard on the radio when I was really small. I look at photos from that time. I miss my mom terribly. I want to share my baby with her; for him to know her; for her to know I am meeting my life goals; am happy. There has always been a very big emptiness in my heart without her. It’s been 26 years. The loss of a parent—it stays with you forever.

There’s a party going on that floor in the picture above. It’s a family reunion and everyone is there but me, us. It’s hard. I did not plan like I should have and am terribly sad about it. That is me in that photo at Christmas time in Decatur IL. I still play with farm toys, but bigger ones. My horse was a big part of my life then and although he’s gone now, I have my Carter. Family: cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmothers are all connected via Facebook. We live all over the country. =) I love them so.

It would be the one opportunity that there would be four generations together: my gramma, my dad, me, and my baby. I say next year. But you never know. My heart aches this evening.

Wow, I better go feed my baby.

Good night.


Posted by on July 25, 2009 in Uncategorized


7 responses to “Sentimental

  1. c

    July 25, 2009 at 11:24 pm

    I know as I get older I think about what next year will bring too. I was glad that my dad took the girls to Kansas to see his sisters and other relatives a few weeks ago. I couldn’t go because of work, but I want them to get to know the different generations. It means a lot.

    Keep the faith about next year! 🙂

  2. wildwesty

    July 25, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    living as far away as I do from my own family, I know how you feel. Luckily both my kids live close by with their kids, but my parents and brothers are all in California. I’ve been here for 40 yrs now and sometimes I still get homesick…..

  3. Maggie Mae

    July 26, 2009 at 7:29 am

    Your photo and story reminds me of what is right with America, the love of family and the innocents of youth.
    Both of my parents have passed years ago but there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of something I would like to tell them.
    I believe that our parents live on thru us. It is their values and ways of dealing with all forms of life that we learned and live by today and we pass on to our children.
    Sorry about rambling on but your post brought back my own memories. (Thanks)

  4. Wizardress

    July 26, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    I relate- how well I relate *hugs*

  5. Doanli

    July 26, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    I know that that big hole in your heart feeling as well. *hugs*

  6. Itiswell

    July 27, 2009 at 3:07 am

    I havent been to a family reunion in years. Im sorry you are missing your extended family. Hows it going for you??? (((hugs)))

  7. Itiswell

    July 27, 2009 at 3:08 am

    I forgot to add that you were a cute little girl.


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